Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Isaiah 43:19
“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?  I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert”.

Taken from the blog of:  Rachelle Call (see "A Night In Recovery" post)

"I remember some very specific days in my recovery process that spoke to me on a very deep spiritual level.  I had been doing the therapy thing for years.  I was paying professionals by the dozen to listen to me and give me answers….much like I would buy other services.  I like an outfit, I buy it.  I am buying clothes.  I need new teeth (which happens every 7 years), I pay a dentist to do the work.  I am buying teeth.  In my mind, it was the same with therapy and therapists.  I like to feel better, I pay you to tell me what’s wrong.  I am buying answers.

So this had gone on for a long time.  And while I was beginning to understand more about why I felt so bad, I still kind of felt bad.  I KNEW I had the capacity to feel more joy and more peace….I just could NOT get to it.  One day, I was in my therapists office telling him about the most recent conversation with my husband.  We were going on 10 months of separation at that point and I was frustrated by the fact that I COULD NOT figure out how to be in the same room with him.  My dh had recently called me and asked if I could visit him in Pasedena, California for a couple days (which I know was a huge stretch for him).  I was like….ummm…are you kidding me? Where did that come from and how dare you?  I was still waiting for XYZ to be completed before I would give him that kind of time and energy.  My therapist was worried too.  He said he didn’t really feel good about it….something about giving a reward too soon.   But here’s the thing:  I had been reading some books in addition to all the therapy (and going to seminars in addition to reading the books).  I was learning some very knew concepts like, “whatever you focus on will grow “and “what is my ultimate payoff for having a husband to complain about all the time”.   So these thoughts were beginning to take some form.  In fact, they had taken root enough that when I walked out of the therapists office that day…I had already decided to do it.  I was challenging my therapists recommendations for the very first time.  I didn’t want to.  I wanted to continue pleasing my counselor with what a good student I was.  I always did everything I was asked…and then some.  If I was asked to read a chapter….I read the whole book..along with another book of my choosing.  I wanted to impress them all.  I wanted them to be “pleased by my progress”.

But it was coming to an end.  I called my husband that day and said…”You know what?  I’d love to come see you.  My therapist doesn’t think I should, but I’m going to do it anyway.”  My dh was floored.  It was a complete 180.  My thinking was….maybe I should change my approach and try something new, because what I had been doing for 5 years was not working.  So I went to Pasedena…..armored with prayer, my scriptures, a couple of energy therapy cd’s that I would need to listen to while dh was at work (for like six hours…I was still obsessing a bit),  a book called Energy Medicine….and courage.  I remember walking around at the Paseo Colorado mall alone (while dh was at work) when this feeling hit me out of nowhere.  I would say that a glimpse of “something new” came over me.  I felt like this place was familiar and I was supposed to be there at that very second.  I KNEW I had done the right thing.  I knew I was heading in the right direction, because God had just given me His approval.  And that felt different than ANY other source of approval I had ever sought after.  Decision confirmed."

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